It feels a lot like coming home. Even my seat on my plane was familiar – 6A – prime location in Business on a 747. It is the first row after First so there isn’t a lot of foot traffic. The worst place to be is by the lavatories. At the end of a 14 hour flight, they start to smell a little ripe not to mention there is typically a lot of action throughout the flight (not the mile high club kind but the other kind – they never stop serving drinks). So the door opens, closes, light on, light off. You get the picture. Those who know me well know I don’t tolerate a lot when I’m trying to sleep. No noise, no light. Gotta love the Bose noise reduction headphones but I cannot wear the eye shades. They just bug me. The steak dinner was decent for airplane food (and no, I did not eat the green stuff) and shortly afterwards I settled in for the night. Then the bumps began – small ones at first but then it got pretty rough. Mind you I’m not a nervous flyer, but I find the constant motion annoying when I’m trying to sleep. Needless to say, the theme of the evening was ‘seatbelts on.’ I assume this means the captain would turn it off, why I don’t know. My cabin was asleep (or trying to be) so I’m not sure why they felt it was necessary to continually announce ‘seatbelts on.’ Trust me, on an international flight, if you need to use the facilities, you will regardless of the seatbelt sign on or off. If you gotta go, you gotta go. What I find interesting is when I fly Qantas (I’m quickly becoming a frequent flyer within Australia), is that the seatbelt sign is off around the same time as you can used your approved electronically devices listed in the back of your airline magazine (next to your Sky Mall, barf bag, and safety information card [and tell me who actually pulls it out of the seat back pocket in front of you and follows along during the safety demonstration... really? Most people don't pay any mind to the safety information whether it be video or live let alone pull out a plastic card with stick people showing you how to use the slide raft or open the emergency exit. As Jerry Seinfeld points out, who on this planet doesn't know how to operate a seatbelt? Okay, I digress. Sorry!]). This is typically when the plane is still in a rather steep ascent to whatever cruising altitude. The seatbelt signs goes off just before you actually touchdown as well, right along with the flight attendants. Doesn’t that almost make sense? It’s not like the flight attendants, who are there for your safety, have some magic ability to walk around a plane during turbulence. But then again, Qantas doesn’t board by rows or class, they still serve *gasp* meals (even on one hour flights), and have entertainment. Best of all, it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg to book a ticket, even last minute. I typically pay $300 for a last minute ticket (like the day before) from Melbourne to Sydney. Unheard of back at home.
So I land in Sydney at 6:12 Wednesday morning, 13 minutes early. By 6:27 I have a Voltage in hand – 17 minutes from touchdown until caffeine. Not too shabby! This even though the flight attendant stands in the row to ensure that all First class passengers get the opportunity to deplane before anyone else. I kid you not. Someone will literally block all access for any other passenger to get off the God forsaken plane (which is how you view it after 15 hours). I actually find this a bit offensive. Especially those times where some bloke decides he needs to repack his bag before getting off whilst the rest of us watch. So it is mighty impressive that I got off the plane, walked through the duty free shop (why yes, I would like to buy cigarettes, perfume, cosmetics, chocolates and most importantly a plasma television) before I go to immigration and customs. REALLY, people?! Because I have been there, done that many times, I know that you have to be mindful and make a left instead of a right which takes you back to the terminal. Of course, the first thing you have to do is go through security. Again, is this really necessary? I just got off a bloody plane for crying out loud! Where would I possibly get something that would be deemed improper? Do you think your own security is that poor that you have to put me through this? Cricky! At least I was first in line and the security people weren’t quite awake so I breezed through, went up the escalator and wha-la! Gloria Jeans (Australia’s Starbucks wannabe). No one in line and within minutes I’m a happy camper. Well, sort of. I walk around for a bit. Look at the shops I just visited a few weeks earlier. Nothing new there. Then I go to the lounge (gate) to await the last leg of my trip. Of course, they have security before you enter the gate area so you must show your passport and boarding card. They weren't happy that I only had a partial boarding card - they do take part of it when you board your initial flight. I had to sweet talk the agent into believing that I was indeed a 'thru' passenger which is why I had only part of my boarding pass. (Trust me, after almost 20 hours of traveling it is tough to be a sweet talker. I really wanted to tell him to back off and leave me alone but figure it was a battle I would lose.) Mind you – this is the continuation of United 839 – the same plane I just got off of. They make all passengers disembark so they can do a security check (and again, I ask what on earth do they expect to find?) and clean. Glad I travel ‘light’ and only carry one [heavy] backpack so I don’t have to lug around a bunch of luggage. It is amazing what people drag on a plane despite all the talk of the limitations of two items – one carryon and one personal item, such as a purse or laptop that must fit underneath the seat in front of you. Apparently, it's all talk.Despite the fact that we were now officially on Australian soil, United must board the plane by status and seating area. It take a full 45 minutes to board a 747, even if it isn’t full. At least I can go back and watch the rest of my movie during the boarding process. Despite a cloudy day in Sydney, I had a gorgeous view flying in and out of the city. The airport is just to the north and it is rare they don’t fly over Sydney Harbour. It is only an hour flight to Melbourne so I knew I would be ‘home’ soon. Or so I thought. We landed early but there was a plane at our gate so we waited. And waited. And waited. An hour and 20 minutes later they decided they could put us at a different gate. Funny, I figured that out right away as from my vantage point I could see 4 empty gates at the international terminal. I must be especially gifted (impatient). Fortunately for me, I was quick and got through immigration without waiting. Oh, don’t you worry… I did get to wait for my bags. They weren’t the first two off the carousel this time. Confidently, I gather my belongs and head towards customs, the last stop before the exit and freedom. After all, I was popcorn free this time. I learned my lesson. Smuggling popcorn, even unintentionally, is not worth the risk. A woman looks at my card and sends me through. Ah good, no extra screening. I’m just at the exit when I am stopped by a customs agent and his beagle. Would I please take off my backpack and set it on ground? Of course, I say (it’s not like you can say no). Immediately the damn dog buries his nose in my backpack. Great. I have visions of a repeat scenario of my New Zealand customs encounter. My mind is racing as the dog refuses to leave my backpack alone, even when the agent was pulling him back on his leash. He asks if I have any seeds, plants, or animal products. No... But I do have a memory flash of putting a pack of raspberry Zingers in my backpack. Dang it, are those illegal too? By now the dog is practically humping my bag (I’m not exaggerating ) and the other agent comes over. Much to my surprise, the agent yanks the dog off my backpack, tells me ‘thanks’ and turns around and walks away. Either it was time for his break or he was simply not interested in going through my stuff. Not that I care but what if I had popcorn or even worse, granola? Who knows what kind of trouble I could bring down under by bringing contraband into this fine country? But alas, I guess I don’t look like much of a threat. It’s all in the way you act. You cannot let them see you sweat.
Finally, 25 hours after leaving Reno I am sitting in a taxi heading for my apartment. I missed you Oz, and I’m glad to be back home.
